The Weeping Moffat
by bittie752
Summary: What I wish would have happened while filming The Angels Take Manhattan. Pure and total crack/humor fic. (Not Moffat friendly)


**A cracky birthday gift for Fogsblue. I own nothing and I'm really not sorry at all. Enjoy.**

Rory ran full out up the stairs. He could hear Amy's footfalls close behind him as he pushed the door to the roof open. Desperately his eyes sought any type of escape from this situation and that's when he saw it. The twisted, snarling face of a weeping angel.

"I always wanted to visit the Statue of Liberty," he said, taking a small step back but keeping his eyes fixed on the creature. "I guess she got impatient."

Involuntarily his lips started twitching upwards. He heard Amy say something but he couldn't remember what he was supposed to say next as the laughter started to fall out of his mouth. "This is so ridiculous. I can't… I can't even say the lines with a straight face right now." He just kept pointing at the place where the supposed angel was to be and chuckling.

Lights came up and the director yelled cut and all pretense of having traveled back in time was broken. "What's the matter?" Karen asked, coming up next to him, brow furrowed. "You feeling alright? I know it's been a long day. Do ya need a break?"

He shook his head and continued guffawing. "The Statue of Liberty is a Weeping Angel?! How is that even possible?" Tears were now streaming down Arthur's face, and Karen began to chuckle.

Pointing at the green screen, she said, "Oh yeah, Lady Liberty's an angel. But oh wait, an image of an angel becomes an angel so there are literally billions of pictures of her all over the world that are angels. That makes sense."

"It's like they've already invaded." Matt joined in from just off set. "What's next? Do they somehow erase your memories when they send you back? Is that why no one has noticed?"

"Oh no, I've got it," Alex exclaimed, walking over to her onscreen parents. "Now they totally rewrite your history and give you a new one. Get touched by an angel and get a whole new life." Her lips were now pressed tightly together to keep from snickering.

Arthur did a jaunty little dance. "Look at me; I'm a Weeping Angel and I can change the rules of what I'm capable of every time Steven uses me in an episode." Several of the crew members around them hooted.

Raising one his arms over his head like he was holding a torch, Matt struck the iconic pose. With a snarled lip, he tried to make himself look scary but instead looked like a manic giraffe. "Oh, I'm just a national treasure, and David's Doctor landed in front of me and he didn't seem to notice that I was a big, scary assassin."

"Not to mention she's made of copper, not stone," Alex added gleefully.

Karen rounded her arms, mimicking having a slightly larger stature. "Continuity? I'm Steven Damn Moffat. People bow down at my genius. Continuity is not required. In fact, it's frowned upon."

"I am so glad that we are leaving," Arthur tittered, leaning onto Karen. "I swear, anything we do after this will be sooo much better and 'll have more depth."

"I know," she snorted. "Poor Matty, though. Signed on for the rest of series seven."

"And the 50th," Matt groaned. "Don't remind me."

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!" the Master himself, the guardian angel of Doctor Who bellowed. Apparently word of the production hold up had made its way to Steven.

All four actors stole worried glances at each other, none of them wanting to be the one to set off the ticking time bomb that was their boss.

'We were.. um…" Karen started.

"Discussing the Statue of Liberty as an Angel," Alex added, not looking Moffat in the eye.

"Yeah, that is… wow. Just wow," Arthur stated lamely.

Matt pursed his lips. "It's gonna blow the minds of every fan, man."

Steven grinned like the loon that he was. "Well then, I can't blame you for taking a break to stand in awe of my genius. I am, without a doubt, the best thing that has ever happened to this show." Striding over to Matt, Steven stood unnervingly close to his lead actor. "Oh, I can't wait until everyone sees what enormous changes I have in store."

He rubbed his hands together gleefully and then looked up at Karen and Arthur. "It really is a shame that the two of you aren't going to be here. Matt and I are going to gloriously turn this show on its head and rewrite all of its history." Moffat reached out a hand and stroked Matt's arm gently.

The 'Ponds' all shared a look of incredulity as a thick tension filled the air. After a moment, Karen turned away. "Alright then! Tea break sounds good. Arthur, Alex, why don't you join me?" The trio began to beat a hasty retreat.

"Wait for me," Matt called as he tried to extricate himself from the madman's grasp. "Please wait."

Steven's grip tightened as he stroked Matt's prominent jaw. "My precious," the older man purred, moving his hand to run his fingers through Matt's hair. This situation was spiraling out of control quickly.

"I think we need talk about my regeneration." Still struggling, Matt was unable to break the other man's surprisingly strong grip. "Yes, I think I should buy the farm in the 50th. Great way to celebrate the milestone, yeah? With a new Doctor. Or the series finale: I could bite the big one then."

"Not going to happen," Steven cackled. "I own you, Doctor."

"I swear to God, Moffat, start thinking of ways for my character to die or I swear I will… I'll shave my head. Yeah, good luck having a bald Doctor."

"You wouldn't dare defy me. I AM YOUR GOD," Moffat raged, pushing Matt to the ground.

Covering his face with his arms, the younger man cowered away from the lunatic's wrath. "Gillian! HELP ME!"

Right before the curly-haired dictator could strike, Mark Gatiss came up and shot him in the arm with a tranquilizer. Within moments, Moffat was slumped on the floor sucking his thumb. "You four know better than to carry on like this when he's around. Next time I may not be here. Idiots, the lot of you." He stalked off, leaving the show runner knocked out and the lead actor trembling with fear.

Matt nodded his head slightly. "Yep, definitely time for a new job."


End file.
